How many times has this happened? You roll over, poke your sweetie in the side and giggle, trying to get his attention only to get a mumbled, “Not tonight…” He always seems ready to go at a moment’s notice. So, why doesn't he want to get it on?

He’s Self Conscious

Sometimes things like a malfunctioning plumbing system can make him self conscious about his performance. He doesn’t want you to be disappointed and in case you two try to do it and it doesn’t work, it’s just going to be a blow to his self esteem and who needs that? Therapist and author Dr. Brandy Engler says that if it happens one time, he may be afraid it’s going to keep happening and it could kill his whole sex drive. She urges that it’s a good idea to take the focus off of that and focus on doing other things.

He’s Stressed Out

There are a lot of reasons he could be stressed out. I know if I’m stressed about money or work or something, the last thing I want to do is that because I can’t relax. If he’s wound up tighter than a spring, Dr. Engler says that it’s going to be hard for him to relax and shift focus to what’s going on. Dr. Engler suggests that both of you take a hot shower together or trade massages to rev things up and get you in the mood. I can speak with a good amount of certainty that the shower definitely works. We tried a bath, but only do that if you have a bathtub built for two. We have a large soaking tub, but when both of us got in, we had about a cup and a half of water in there and it was the furthest thing from romance I could think of. We laughed so hard and we got stuck. So, I definitely endorse the shower thing.

He’s Bored

Yep. It happens. When you first got married, you never ever thought you’d get bored with sex, but it happens. It doesn’t mean that he’s bored with us, it may just be that it’s routine and who likes “routine” when it comes to that? Spontaneity is key here. It doesn’t always have to be after the news and before you fall asleep for the night. Every now and then, leave your pile of clothes in a conspicuous place where you know he’s going to see it. If that doesn’t get his attention, leave a pile of clothes that leads right to your bedroom door. A sexy bra and matching panties can also quicken the pulse.

He’s Not Feeling Sexy

Sometimes after a big meal, he gets lethargic or bloated. That’s not hot. Plus, when you eat, a lot of blood goes to your guts to help you digest your food. The more you eat the more blood it’s going to take so the less likely it will be that the blood necessary for sex is going to be traveling to the right places. What is hot is doing it before you walk out the door. Looking knowingly across the table at one another may just spur the both of you to skip dessert and the movie and go straight home for another makeout session.