How to Wreck a Good Date
You've gotten past the awkward first dates and you're on your way to dating success! Or are you sabotaging your relationship by making these mistakes?
Dating is hard. It's difficult to know if you're doing the right things right or doing the wrong things and derailing everything. Here are a few things to think about when you're looking lovingly across the table at that special someone.
Do They Interrupt?
I really, really hate being interrupted. It's one of my pet peeves. When you interrupt, you're basically saying to the other person "I don't care enough about what you're saying to listen." So, when the two of you are talking over dinner or drinks, notice if you're allowed to finish your thoughts. Even if they agree with what you're saying, do they let you finish before they jump in with what they're thinking? Do they nod, or do they hijack the conversation?
Are They A Steamroller?
How much do you talk versus how much does your date talk? If they’re the one doing most of the talking, it doesn't mean that your stories aren't that interesting, it just means that they don’t know when it's time to let someone else talk. When you're getting to know each other in those first few weeks, how are they going to learn about how wonderful you are if they’re talking constantly? Some people (myself included) have a tendency to talk a lot if they're nervous, so if a little bell goes off in your head telling you you've been talking most of the time finish your story quickly and then ask your date a question. When they answer, be quiet.
Are You An Over-Thinker?
I'm not talking about going over your response before you say it, or lying in bed losing sleep over something. I'm talking about you're thinking so hard about what you're going to say next, that you're not paying attention to what your date is saying. Again, this is very easy to do if you're nervous, and it's an easy mistake to make because you don't want your date to think you're a moron. Just listen to what they have to say and try to pay attention so you can think carefully about what you're going to say next.
They're a Smarty Pants
Obviously, intelligence is a good trait to have, but if they’re cocky or arrogant about it or acting like the way they think is an absolute fact, they’re going to look like a jerk. I was once set up with a guy who sold insurance and I told him that I've always been confused about insurance and was never very good about picking a policy and basically said kudos to him for being able to understand it. I explained that I was lucky because my insurance agent was very good about explaining stuff and that's a big help having someone who can "dumb it down" for the average person like me. I was actually complimenting him. He proceeded to insult my intelligence and treat me like I was an idiot. I left before the food came.
They're a One Upper
When you tell a story, do they also have a similar story? That’s great! It shows that the two of you may be more compatible than you originally thought. That’s OK in small doses, but do you know a guy? They know two. You were in a cooking class and burned yourself? They chopped off their fingers. You know the drill. It shows that they’re competitive, which is fine, but it also means that they’re going to always view you as less than, not an equal.